How to treat a Queen in the bedroom this King’s Day (and every day)!
With inequalities like the orgasm gap, our Queens may be getting royally screwed. I’m here to make sure that doesn’t happen.
King’s Day is the Dutch celebration for King Willem-Alexander’s birthday. It’s also a big day for drinking, flirting and …the unbridled hope of getting laid. But with inequalities like the orgasm gap, aren’t our Queens just getting royally screwed? I’m here to make sure that doesn’t happen.
According to a study 95% of straight cisgendered men say they have usually or always orgasmed when sexually intimate. This is in comparison to 75% of lesbians and cumming in last place only 65% of straight women. This number drops even further when it comes to one night stands with only 40% of straight women reliably orgasming. Why do we just accept this and where does this come from? Some of my theories below:
- Heterosexual male-centric mainstream porn
- Poor sex education in general and don’t even get me started on it’s lack of LGBTQ+ integration
- The myth that women should achieve orgasm in the same way that works for men
- Women being unaware that their pleasure is valid
While this article focusses on tips to help close the orgasm gap between straight men and women, much of what is said below can be applied for same-sex couples as well.
So here it is. Vanillacooldance’s tried and true 4 Royal Etiquette Tips on how to be a true king in the bedroom.
Royal Etiquette Tip 1: A true king knows the lay of the land.
Did you know that contrary to what is displayed in mainstream porn, most women cannot orgasm from intercourse alone? It took me years to realize that I wasn’t weird and that in fact only 15% of vulva-owners can orgasm solely from thrusting. Yet somehow 92.4% of women are able to orgasm from masturbation. How cum?
Well, when masturbating women mostly focus on cliteral stimulation. Or use a toy that has both external and internal stimulation. So you might say that the clit is pretty important to achieving the big O.
Now here comes the other crazy statistic. In a recent survey, more than a third of people in the UK couldn’t correctly label this beautiful, magnificent, orgasm-inducing part of the female body. And if you can’t locate it, how the heck are you supposed to explore it?
You can see the tip of this beautiful organ underneath the clitoral hood. But the largest part of it extends underneath the vulva. So Queens, get out a mirror and take a good look. And Kings, go forth and find it.
Royal Etiquette Tip 2: A true king knows to use his words
In my humble opinion, the quickest way to close the Orgasm Gap is to communicate. There is no single trick to pleasure. All bodies are unique, and everyone experiences pleasure in different ways. Some women can orgasm from their nipples being touched, while others, well…feel nothing.
Communicating with your partner and using words of affirmation also takes a lot of pressure off of the sexual experience. It helps both you and your partner feel seen, understood and connected. For instance, many women feel guilty if they think they are taking too long to cum. A little reassurance and enthusiasm from the giver’s side can go a long way to alleviate that.
So what kind of Kingly communication am I talking about?
- “Tell me what you like”
- “Show me how you touch yourself”
- Verbal cues that you ENJOY giving your partner pleasure
And remember, my dear Queens, that your partner isn’t a mind reader. Get comfortable proactively talking about what you enjoy, because communication is a two-way street.
Royal Etiquette Tip 3: A true king is rarely intimidated
Repeat after me…“Toys are your friend.” They are not your enemy or a substitute for your penis. They are a bonus and you should be jumping to bring them into the bedroom. I get countless submissions from women saying that their partner doesn’t like the idea of them bringing a vibrator into their sex life. And to that I ask, why wouldn’t you want to bring something that only heightens and adds pleasure to the experience?
Since most women cannot orgasm from intercourse alone, bringing in a vibrator to the bedroom is a great way to get cliteral stimulation while having intercourse. It’s something our Queens can do for themselves or the Kings can get involved with too. So, what’s so hot about using toys with your partner?
🔥Women can have an orgasm in many more intercourse positions with a vibrator.
🔥🔥Watching your partner play with themselves either with a toy or manually is both educational and 😏
🔥🔥🔥 HELLOOOO Mutual Masturbation
🔥🔥🔥🔥 Shopping for a toy together is sexy and there are even toys like this vibrating ring from local Amsterdam toy shop Mail & Female that give pleasure to both parties at the same time.
Royal Etiquette Tip 4: A true king always has a royal guard
Now what do condoms have to do with getting off? A little thing called respect. In my personal experience, there is nothing that gets me wetter than a man who respects my sexual boundaries and who comes prepared. And there’s nothing that will dry me up faster than a man who disrespects them.
So to the Kings of Amsterdam, banish the claim “I’m the best at pulling out” from your repertoire, because God knows I and many other Cool Dancers have heard it countless times. And for my Queens, if this happens to you, that man is not a King. In this case a “that’s what my dad said” joke tends to be a great response to get them out of your house quickly.
The Royal Treatment Wrap Up
Well, that’s the gist of my royal finishing school. But this is just the tip… of the iceberg. Do some research to keep learning!
- Love Academy has 3 online video workshops where you can learn amazing techniques for both vulva and penis owners.
- The Yoni Matrix is a fun and educational board-game about female sexuality.
- Geraldine Kemper just put out an amazing video series Tussen De Lakens on Videoland.
- The Principles of Pleasure just came out on Netflix.
- There is great literature out there like Becoming Cliterate by Laurie Mintz and She comes first by Ian Kerner.
Go forth and get the royal treatment you deserve.